I should be happy. I'm engaged much sooner than I thought. But I'm not happy. Not with myself anyway.
I had two weeks of bad eating and went from 202.4 to 211. I'm back down to 207.6 but if I had just stuck with the damn diet, and let's face it that IS what it is because I am not eating what I want to, I would be under 200 pounds. Which meant so much to me!
Instead on Saturday when we get our engagement photos done I will still be a fat cow.
I'm on Myfitnesspal, and there is a girl on there that has lost 37 pounds in 4 months. 37 in FOUR MONTHS! I can't even lose 30 in 7 MONTHS! And so many people have great weightloss like that. But I just can't stick to eating healthy. It gets old, it gets boring. I like cake. I LOVE McDonalds. We like to go out to eat. It's EASY to go out to eat.
I'm so tired of trying so hard most of the time, only to let myself down. What sort of psychological crap is going on that makes me love food so much? And all of the BAD food. And how come some people who aren't active can eat and eat and eat, and never gain an ounce, but I exercise and watch and it takes so much CONTROL to lose just a few pounds?
I'm going to hate my engagement photos, because they will always be a reminder of what I couldn't accomplish....
